Monthly Archives: August 2014

Your Mind = Blown

Is it just me or does it seem like all the movies now-a-days are all based on books? Not that I’m complaining, it’s giving me the opportunity to update my Reading List- and not the way you might expect.

Most people would agree that the goal before seeing a movie based on a book is to actually, you know, read the book. Obviously so you can be a pretentious hipster and make one or all of the following claims

1) “I liked the book before the movie(s) came out”

2) “Omg the book was SOOOOO much better.”

3) “UGH THEY LEFT OUT THE BEST PART”

or

4) “THAT WASN’T IN THE BOOK!”

book

Well, I for one, will not read the books UNTIL I see the movie.

And here’s why:

(your mind is about to be blown.)

Let me paint you a little picture…

It’s spring of 2012, and Jennifer Lawrence is starring in the much-anticipated film version of, The Hunger Games. I, unlike the times of seeing Harry Potter, made it a point to read this book before I went to go see it.(Yes, that means I STILL haven’t read all the Harry Potter books. I’ll discuss later.)

So I read (and fell in love with) THG. It was awesome. And it made me SO much more excited to see the movie, especially to actually see ALL my favorite parts from the book(HELLO- CAVE SCENE!!) And even hearing the cast interviews about the movie and their favorite scenes that they shot(Josh Hutcherson- HELLO CAVE SCENE!!) I could barely contain the excitement. I was in my freshman year of college and my friends and I were even going to the midnight showing of it in our small little town. We had a countdown, took pictures, bought the soundtrack..(and by we…I mean me….fangirling all over the place.)

girl

March 23 FINALLY comes(actually the 22nd since we were seeing the midnight showing, but you get the point.) and we head over to the theater 2 hours before midnight, making sure we get the best seats to behold the awesomeness that’s about to take place before my eyes.

The minutes pass and finally, FINALLY, it’s midnight and the previews start and then suddenly BOOM- Jennifer Lawrence’s face was all over the screen and the movie had officially started.

Now, I’m sitting there and I’m starting the run through the book while watching the movie, and I can’t help but spot all the differences. And at first I’m just rollin’ with it- i mentally remind myself that, hey, I knew they would change things- that’s just part of the deal. As long as I got to see my precious cave scene I was going to be fine. So the movie progresses and still enjoying the movie, but it’s really ruining my movie-going experience a little just pointing out the disappointment of all the differences and things that I had at least thought were to be important, but hey, my cave scene was coming-something to look forward to.

Then- it came. My blessed cave scene.

AND IT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE BOOK. IN THE BOOK IT WAS, LIKE, 20 PAGES LONG, PEETA AND KATNISS MACKED ON EACH OTHER, LIKE, 100 TIMES AND THERE WAS SO MUCH ADORABLE DIALOGUE AND THE MOVIE FREAKING LEFT BASICALLY ALL OF IT OUT.

ARE YOU FLIPPIN’ KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!

That’s when it hit me, I will never, ever read a book before I see the movie again.

And here’s why:

It is true, the book is ALWAYS better.

But that’s the thing…since the book is always better, you’re basically just paying for your disappointment when you go see the movie.

You know the movie isn’t going to measure up to what the book was. Sure, it might be close, but’s never going to actually be better than the book.

Whereas, if you’re watching the movie first, you’re thinking to yourself,

“Holy crap, this movie is awesome. If the movie is THIS awesome, I can’t even imagine what the book must be like.”

So after you get out of the movie, you click on your Amazon app, find the book for $10, order it, then 2 days later you get it at your front door and dive in.

Then, even while you’re reading and you’re noticing all the differences, they’re GOOD differences, because the book is BETTER and provides more details and background information that the movie just didn’t have time for.

You’re never going to be disappointed when you read the book AFTER you see the movie.

Unless you just get mad at yourself for still spending money on the movie anyway. Then that’s your problem.

You’re Welcome.

mind


All the Single Ladies

Ladies, are you sick of being single? Are you ready to mingle? Then fear not- I’m here to give you a few tips on how to catch the man of your dreams and in no time at all!

It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3 and no need to whip up the milkshakes, because I promise that AAALLLL the boys will be in your yard.

But first, you have to go find the lucky guy you’re going to entrap with your womanly wiles, so…

1. Always travel in a pack with your home girls.

Nothing is less intimidating for a guy than when you’re with a HUGE group of other females. I mean, when he sees you with a GIANT entourage of you and your 60 closest friends not only is he going to think you’re super popular, but also super safe and responsible(BUDDY SYSTEM!), so he’s immediately going to think marriage and mother material.

2. You should dress like a high price escort.

I mean, how else are you going to get a man’s attention without showing off all the goods?

Nothing says “I’m ready for a serious commitment” than looking like you could have been one of the 13 women on Tiger Wood’s arm.

And what really tops this look off is when you wear 5-inch stiletto pumps that you can’t walk in. Nothing sexier than embodying Bambi’s first steps.

3. Flirt with your eyes.

The best way to show a guy you’re interested in him is to awkwardly glance up at him about 20 times before he will finally come over and talk to you. You’re obviously supposed to be playing-hard-to-get so going right up and talking to him would be too forward and save too much time to actually do it. So it’s always best to catch his attention just by staring at him for moments at a time where he will then either ask for your number or give you a number for the nearest mental hospital

.

Alright, so now you’ve lured a man in. So how are you going to take the next few dates to the NEXT level to get you to that perfect relationship?

1. Just keep talking.

Men LOVE it when women never stop talking. ESPECIALLY when the girl is just talking about herself. It shows that she’s super confident in who she is and not at all insecure. Never ask the men any real questions, because, trust me, they just love the sound of your voice and could listen to it forever. And I think we all know that men are just such great listeners when they’re really interested in something- so if you start noticing their eyes glaze over, that’s just them really analyzing and taking-in everything you’re saying.

2. Let him know how important family is.

You should definitely tell him how your 5-year plan includes getting married, having 6 kids, and moving into a house right next to your parents. It’ll show him what’s really important in your life and not at all freak him out. Guys love feeling rushed into a commitment.

3. Talk about your exes.

Men LOVE hearing about past relationships. Especially when you’re making comparisons. It’s a way to help boost your new interest’s feelings and in no way makes you look like you’re still hung-up on a past flame. So if you ever feel a lull happening in the conversation just bring up how you and your ex never had that problem. It’s sure to set the mood for the rest of the evening.

 You’re now in the committed relationship your heart has be desiring, now how do you keep your man by your side for the rest of your life?

1. Cry. All. The. Time.

Whether it be because you just watched Titanic or just witnessed the Sarah McLachlan commercial, nothing will make your man feel more like a super hero than swooping in to comfort you. Bigger the tears- the better.

2. Always talk about your period.

The cravings, the cramps, the mood swings, the nights of sleeping in the fetal position- a man will never know the complete joy of this womanly trait, so they just want to be let in on the experience. They want to be there FOR YOU. He wants to be sitting right next to you holding the heating pad on your uterus and make his woman feel good again. So don’t deprive him of this opportunity, let him be apart of your monthly Shark Week.

3. Always show him your true feelings.

There is no trait sexier to a man than seeing his woman being completely and irrationally jealous. When he catches you snooping through his phone or stalking his Twitter feed, nothing sends his heart fluttering more. It shows you care and that you don’t want to lose him. Never mind the complete and utter trust that is shining through in the relationship. So next time you see him talking to your female waitress, it’s best to start yelling at him for “checking her out”(I.e. giving her his order) just to show him and everyone around you at the restaurant how much you truly love your man. 

*BONUS TIP*BONUS TIP*BONUS TIP*

Be sure to let him know how Taylor Swift is your absolute idol and you worship the ground she walks on. She is such an amazing young woman for young girls to look up to, how could this possibly backfire?

(Author’s Note: If you couldn’t tell that this post was 100% sarcastic then you make me sad.)

Meet My Boyfriend, Netflix

Ever since we were little girls we have always dreamt of our Prince Charming.

When we were five they were the cartoon cuties of Disney

(who could resist that street rat?)

Then in our pre-pubescent youth the Ramen Noodle haired Justin Timberlake was our main squeeze

And now that we’re mature young adults it’s all about Ryan Gosling

(If you listen closely you can hear the sound of millions of ovaries exploding)

But ladies, let’s not kid ourselves- Ryan Gosling is never going to write you letters everyday for a year and then build you your dream house, and you won’t grow old together and die in a hospital at the same time.(wait….why is The Notebook considered romantic again…?) Sorry if this is news to you- there’s a support group that meets every week; I’ll text you details later.

So what’s the next best thing? Nope, it’s not that ‘oh, I bet if I just take one more shot of Tequila he’d be cute,’ guy you’re looking at at the bar…..

 it’s NETFLIX.

Not quite sure if I’m crazy or not? Well, let’s just see, shall we?

1. Netflix doesn’t judge, Netflix understands:

 Ever just have one of those days where you wake-up and say to yourself, “ya, I’m not taking a shower today and I’ll just avoid mirrors at all cost and stay in my bed all day.” Oh, you haven’t? LIAR.

Well, you know what you sorry excuse for a female? IT’S OK TO BE GROSS AND LAY IN BED ALL DAY! Netflix will be right with you in your bed cuddling it out and he will still love you.

TRUE ROMANCE.

2. Netty doesn’t get jealous:

Feeling a little frisky? Want to try to spice things up in the bedroom? Well, you just loosen those sweatpants sweetie and bring in your boys on the side- ya, you know who I’m talking about… BEN & JERRY. I mean, do I even need to go on? It doesn’t get much better than this.

3. Netlflix knows juuussttt what you like:

Picture it: You’ve recently discovered the most AMAZING television show, but *GASP* it only has 2 seasons and (if you’re anything like me) you finished the entire series in one sitting. Oh no! What’s a girl to do? BUT WAIT- NETFLIX TO THE RESCUE.

 “So I see you liked that show on puppies you just watched, so watch AAAAALLLL the different shows on puppies!”

Wow Netflix, you know me so well! What would I ever do without you!?

BOOM- Soulmates

4. He’s super sensitive to your time of the month:

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am truly a heaping mess when I’m PMSing.

Once, I cried during a Wal-Mart commercial.

I’m not kidding.

And you know what? Sometimes a good cry is all you need when it feels like The Third Reich has set up base camp in your uterus. I feel that the best go-to section for needing to release is the ‘Drama’ section. Or as I like to call it, “The Race to See how Quickly You can get Depression.”

And if you’re feeling that you REALLY need a good cry, nothing does it better than Disney’s Fox & the Hound.

(If you don’t cry during this movie there’s a 99.9% chance that you’re Satan.)

Do you want to know the absolute BEST thing about Netflix?

5. Netflix doesn’t talk:

I mean, I don’t even think I need to divulge as to why this is the best aspect.

No arguments- because GUESS WHAT, you’re always right.

No stupid jokes that make you question their intellect.

No “make me a sammich”(or any other kitchen/food) reference.

The list could just go on.

 I will say, it’s been 6 months and I haven’t been happier. I think he’s the one.

“The Book of Mormon”- A Mormon’s Perspective on the Hit Musical

“If you can’t laugh at yourself, life’s gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like.” –Garden State (2004)

Now, it’s important to note that I actually saw the musical back in April, but since I didn’t have my blog yet I never really got to express my own opinion on it.(And as you may have been able to tell- I love sharing my opinions.)

So for anyone who has been living under a rock, The Book of Mormon is a satirical play written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. The play’s main characters are Elder Price and Elder Cunningham- two very naive and optimistic LDS missionaries- who get sent to Uganda on their 2-year mission. In the small village they are staying in they try to share The Book of Mormon, another part of scripture in the Mormon faith, to the people which they are having trouble connecting with; meanwhile there is a warlord trying to take over the population and the village is stricken with famine, AIDS, and war.

I remember when I was telling people beforehand that I was seeing the play they would ask if I was worried about it or just making sure that would, “be okay,” and honestly I would tell people that I’d be fine. Why waste time about being offended by other people? Especially for me, it would be really hypocritical for me to get upset at someone making fun of me, because I make fun of everyone- including myself. I think it’s important to remember to laugh at yourself, otherwise I genuinely think you’re going to be a pretty miserable person.

I will just begin by saying that, I- Rebecca Foerster, absolutely LOVED this musical. I thought it was hilarious, touching, and heartfelt. With that I will say that if you are easily offended or just sensitive then, no, I wouldn’t recommend it to you.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t originally a little nervous about seeing this play. I saw it with my mother and one of her friends(both also members of the LDS church.)

1. I was nervous seeing it with my mom because she’s a little bit more on the sensitive side when it comes to language and other controversial topics that were discussed in the play.

2. Even though I’m proud to say that I don’t usually get easily offended- I do get a little touchy about someone making fun of something that does mean so much to me. I mean, I make fun of my own religion and the culture it entails as much as the next person, but if it’s someone actually derailing my beliefs I do get a little upset. (Understandably so I would think.)

Even though this play is kind of scoffing at my faith- I believe that it wasn’t actually intended on hurting the members of the church.  What I think was so great about this musical is that they really didn’t bash the church- at least I didn’t take anything that way. As I mentioned before I was mostly worried about them basically insulting the doctrinal beliefs that we have.(Because I have to be honest- I know that some of the things we believe in can sound strange to non-members.)

Instead, what the majority of the play was poking fun at is the stereotypical ‘Mormon Culture’ that most everyone is aware of–The overly-happy couple with 20 kids or, in the play’s case, the simple-minded missionary that isn’t aware of ‘real-world’ problems.

Sorry, not sorry, but I make-fun of  the ‘Mormon Culture’ probably more than non-Mormons.

(Holla to the 20 year-old Mormon girls out there that aren’t married or barefoot and preggo yet!)

From what I remember, I think the worst it went into(making fun of beliefs wise) was some stuff about our Prophet, Joseph Smith, and then some of the text in The Book of Mormon.(the actual book.) But honestly- I don’t remember them genuinely insulting Mormons, which I will choose to take that as they didn’t really say anything because I think I would have remembered if they had upset me.

(The opening number performed at the Tony Awards 2012)

It was right after this opening scene that I was sold, because seriously, it so relatable. What was even more fun was that since I am Mormon, during the play they would say a few things here and there(not mean, just little jokes) and you could tell that the only people who were laughing must’ve been the Mormons because no one else would get it. Perfection.

And while most people would think that the LDS(Mormons) church would boycott this musical and try to shut it down(I don’t even know if that would be possible?) That just isn’t the case. The church practically did just the opposite. The major players in the church actually bought out ad space in the playbill to advertise The Book of Mormon. 

It’s also been encouraged by church leaders to either go see it with your friends or let your friends know that you are open for any questions they may have about the church after seeing it- knowing that the musical is obviously not going to be 100% accurate on the church’s beliefs or history.

The play has actually been a huge help in the missionary work that Mormons are so keen on; there have even been a few instances on people joining the church after seeking out to learn more about it after seeing the play. (http://broadwayworld.com/article/Woman-Joins-LDS-Church-After-Seeing-THE-BOOK-OF-MORMON-on-Broadway-20130515)

At the end of the day this play really did have a good message. It left you feeling that as long as whatever you believe in makes you happy, gives you hope, and helps you and those around you then it’s OK. It’s obvious that the play goes from the ridiculous to the sublime, but I think it truly means well. You would definitely leave the theater with a smile on your face and feeling good about life.

And honestly- I left feeling even more proud to be a member of this church.

It is Law

Many of you may not be aware, but I’ve been working in the retail world for about a year now. The majority of that time has been spent working with mostly body care, but for the last month I’ve been working in an actual clothing store. 
 
I’d like to start off with by saying that I loved my past job and currently love my new job. My bosses/managers have been amazeballs and I’ve absolutely adore(d) my coworkers. That being said, there is one aspect that doesn’t particularly thrill me. 
 
That would be the customers. Now, I’ll add that I’ve had some completely adorable customers who have just been sweet as pie and wonderful. However, there have been those few that just make me want to punch a wall. So, while being at work one day it hit me- there should be certain “Retail Laws” that should be put into effect and that everyone should follow and everyone will be a whole lot happier. 

1. Thou Shalt Not Bring in Thy Children:
 
Let’s be honest, you don’t want your kids there, we don’t want your kids there, and they don’t want to be there. 
I mean, I’d be lying if I hadn’t ever seen some very good and well-behaved children come in with their parents shopping, but 9 times out of 10 they’re a nightmare. I swear, every time I hear a child start screaming(which I do, every time I’m at work) I can feel my tubes tying themselves. 
 
 
But probably the most annoying thing about the kids is that they come by and mess up the merchandise. In the store I work at we have jewelry towers right up next to the cash register. At the bottom of those towers are the long and dangley necklaces and what do those spawns of demons do? Knot them ALL up.
 
(actual photo)
 
And what makes it worse? The parents don’t stop them. Seriously? That’s costing us money. Do you not realize that? THAT’S MONEY. 
 
So don’t bring in your kids. Unless they are well-behaved or you have them on a leash. 
I’m not kidding. 
 
2. Thou Shalt Not Leave the Dressing Room a Mess:
 
I know the common thought here would be, “Oh, well they get paid to put away my clothes. So to Hell with it.”
Ummm, no. MY job is to help you shop and to sell merchandise. Not to clean up after you. I’m a SALES ASSOCIATE not a MAID. 
And it’s just rude. Seriously. 
The worst is when people take the clothes off the hanger, try them on(thus turning the clothes inside-out) then just throwing them in a heap in the fitting room. I’m sorry, did you forget how to put clothes ON a hanger and not just take them off? I didn’t realize that was so challenging. 
 
(actual photo)
 
This isn’t even half as bad as it has been. But seriously, what was so hard about actually putting the clothes back on the hanger? It’s just so inconsiderate. 
 
3. Thou Shalt Not Shop the Sale Section until You Learn to Shop it with Respect:
 
I don’t understand why, but for whatever reason people think it’s okay to trash sale areas. Where did that logic come from? I get it that it’s already a little disorganized because it’s all different types of clothing and accessories, but what about that makes it okay to throw shirts on the ground and not pick them up? It’s a hot mess and it’s not a party to go through. But do y’all realize how much nicer the sales would be to rifle through if you actually treated it well? 
 
 
4. Thou Shalt Not be Rude:
 
I get it, sometimes you go out and you just don’t want to be bothered. I know I sometimes even get annoyed when I go places and then everyone is on my back asking me “How are you doing” or “Are you shopping for a particular reason?” But you know what? I still smile and say I’m good and go on my merry way. Want to know why? Because I know they’re just doing their jobs as am I when I’m asking those same questions while I’m working. But it really irks me when I get a customer who literally gives me the stink eye and I can feel the ‘tude just radiating off them.
 
 
I get it if you’re not in the mood to be bugged, but all you have to do is smile and thank them for offering to help you. They’re just doing their job.
 
 
So Let it be written, so let it be done.