Meet My Boyfriend, Netflix

Ever since we were little girls we have always dreamt of our Prince Charming.

When we were five they were the cartoon cuties of Disney

(who could resist that street rat?)

Then in our pre-pubescent youth the Ramen Noodle haired Justin Timberlake was our main squeeze

And now that we’re mature young adults it’s all about Ryan Gosling

(If you listen closely you can hear the sound of millions of ovaries exploding)

But ladies, let’s not kid ourselves- Ryan Gosling is never going to write you letters everyday for a year and then build you your dream house, and you won’t grow old together and die in a hospital at the same time.(wait….why is The Notebook considered romantic again…?) Sorry if this is news to you- there’s a support group that meets every week; I’ll text you details later.

So what’s the next best thing? Nope, it’s not that ‘oh, I bet if I just take one more shot of Tequila he’d be cute,’ guy you’re looking at at the bar…..

 it’s NETFLIX.

Not quite sure if I’m crazy or not? Well, let’s just see, shall we?

1. Netflix doesn’t judge, Netflix understands:

 Ever just have one of those days where you wake-up and say to yourself, “ya, I’m not taking a shower today and I’ll just avoid mirrors at all cost and stay in my bed all day.” Oh, you haven’t? LIAR.

Well, you know what you sorry excuse for a female? IT’S OK TO BE GROSS AND LAY IN BED ALL DAY! Netflix will be right with you in your bed cuddling it out and he will still love you.


2. Netty doesn’t get jealous:

Feeling a little frisky? Want to try to spice things up in the bedroom? Well, you just loosen those sweatpants sweetie and bring in your boys on the side- ya, you know who I’m talking about… BEN & JERRY. I mean, do I even need to go on? It doesn’t get much better than this.

3. Netlflix knows juuussttt what you like:

Picture it: You’ve recently discovered the most AMAZING television show, but *GASP* it only has 2 seasons and (if you’re anything like me) you finished the entire series in one sitting. Oh no! What’s a girl to do? BUT WAIT- NETFLIX TO THE RESCUE.

 “So I see you liked that show on puppies you just watched, so watch AAAAALLLL the different shows on puppies!”

Wow Netflix, you know me so well! What would I ever do without you!?

BOOM- Soulmates

4. He’s super sensitive to your time of the month:

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am truly a heaping mess when I’m PMSing.

Once, I cried during a Wal-Mart commercial.

I’m not kidding.

And you know what? Sometimes a good cry is all you need when it feels like The Third Reich has set up base camp in your uterus. I feel that the best go-to section for needing to release is the ‘Drama’ section. Or as I like to call it, “The Race to See how Quickly You can get Depression.”

And if you’re feeling that you REALLY need a good cry, nothing does it better than Disney’s Fox & the Hound.

(If you don’t cry during this movie there’s a 99.9% chance that you’re Satan.)

Do you want to know the absolute BEST thing about Netflix?

5. Netflix doesn’t talk:

I mean, I don’t even think I need to divulge as to why this is the best aspect.

No arguments- because GUESS WHAT, you’re always right.

No stupid jokes that make you question their intellect.

No “make me a sammich”(or any other kitchen/food) reference.

The list could just go on.

 I will say, it’s been 6 months and I haven’t been happier. I think he’s the one.

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