Monthly Archives: September 2014

I Bet Beyonce Never had to Deal with This.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to beat around the bush. So, I’m just going right into it- social media has ruined everything about dating.

And anyone who knows me also knows that I’m as single as it gets.

single

Now, I obviously can’t blame social media 100% for my singleness.

No, I can thank the crippling anxiety and awkwardness for the most part on my epic singleness.

I mean, cheese and rice, I can barely ask my waiter for extra ranch let alone try to talk to a man I visually enjoy.

I digress.

anyway

But social media is the absolute worst. And clearly I’m also a huge hypocrite because I use it all the time.

All. The. Time.

At this point its a double-edged sword, because if you don’t use Facebook, twitter, texting(Just so we’re all clear, I’m counting texting in this), then how do I keep in contact with people?

Plus, I ain’t gunna lie, I get a nice validation of my existence when people like my statuses. I already think I’m funny, I’m just making sure all of you understand and appreciate how hilarious I am.

duh

 Everything changes though when a crush gets involved.

It just turns into a game.

Constant,

“Oh, I can’t be the first one to text, I don’t want to look desperate”

or

“They have to ‘friend’ me first, because I don’t want to look crazy”

Whatever.

You know, I’d like to think I’m pretty chill when it comes to being a female. I don’t THINK I get jealous too easily, or that I’m terribly catty.(But maybe I’m just thinking highly of myself)

I WILL admit, however, I read WAY into things.

shrug

I’m a very visual person, so if I can’t actually see your body language or see the expressions on your face then when I’m reading that text message or notice that you ‘liked’ one of my pictures on instagram, I have nooooo idea how to perceive this.

Let me make it clear, I don’t do this with EVERYONE, I’m not TOTALLY crazy, just when it comes to those that I either

A) like

or

B) have some sort of history with

 With the person I like, I mean, I’ve clearly flirted with you(or at least attempted…) so how am I supposed to know if you’ve picked up on the fact that I like you so you’re “flirting” with me via internet,

OR

I’m being friend-zoned(that’s def happened a number of times)

OR

You’re just being, you know, a guy and not thinking anything about it(<– that’s most likely the winner)

THEN with the guy I have history with- I mean, we don’t talk that much anymore, if at all, and then all of a sudden you’re ‘liking’ random selfies or commenting on random statuses? What the heck?

Are you just trying to be friends again?

OR

Is there some sort of nostalgia happening?

OR

You’re just being, you know, a guy and not thinking anything about it(<– that’s most likely the winner)

 BUT HOW DO I KNOW FOR SURE??? I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND YOU KNOW.

sign

But nothing drives me more banana sandwich than when texting or messaging gets involved.

Like I stated before, it’s a constant battle of “I cant text/message first, because I can’t look desperate”

or

“Oh I need to wait x-amount of time to text back so they don’t think I was just sitting by the phone/computer”

WHY IS THAT EVEN OPTION. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A WORRY OF LOOKING DESPERATE?

Sorry, I thought you were funny/cute/awesome and wanted to talk to you a little more.

Yo, you’re just talking at that point. IT’S NOT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.

annoy

It’s even worse when its a situation where you can see that they’ve ‘read’ or ‘seen’ the message.
Like, talk about slap in the face.

GAH, JUST TALK TO ME. If only just to, if you have picked up on the fact that I like you, somehow tell me that you’re not interested.

And by ‘tell me’, I mean lie to me and just say you have a girlfriend or something. No need to be mean.

thumb

OH MY GOSH- then there’s the “I have to look unavailable; AKA: make them jealous” aspect of social media.

Here, let me post some pictures with other guys just to make sure he doesn’t think he’s the only guy on my radar

OR

let me talk about how I’m talking about to a bunch of other guys to make me look like I’m not available

OR

I’m going to go out with my girlfriends to make it look like I’m off having a good time and not just sitting at home waiting for you to contact me.

Stupid.

Why, just WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO THAT. or at least THINK we have to do that?

I’ll be honest and say I don’t understand guys at all(I believe them to be so simple that they’re complicated) but do they do this to us females too? If so, I don’t don’t love seeing crap like that if you’re trying to make me jealous. Because I wouldn’t even say I get jealous- it’s more I just already admit defeat and try to move on. It does not spur me in the direction of fighting for your attention.

More like spurs me in the direction of the nearest animal shelter to get myself another cat.

hades

Then there’s the actual ‘dating’ sites, or apps, like Tinder.

I had Tinder for a hot second where I very quickly found out that this just wasn’t my bag.

But I have friends, co-workers, and internet sites where I’ve seen/heard about the disasters that happen. Whether from just the conversations that are being had(basically the guys just asking for nudes) or even people meeting up with the guy and seeing how much of a creep he is, no thank you.

tinder

what?

Can someone please explain to me why it’s OK to ask a girl you don’t know for nudes? Or say sexually explicit things in general . Seriously, explain to me the logic behind that. I legitimately want to know. Is that supposed to entice me? You really think that’s going to help get the ball rolling?

cant

Why can’t people just be straight-up anymore? There is so much manipulating, or planning, or whatever going on and it’s exhausting. If movies have taught me anything, it’s that dating was a whole lot simpler before social media got involved.

I just give up. I’m not cut out for this.

quit


He’s the Type of Boy I’d Make a Sandwich for.

 In honor of #mcm,or #mancandymonday, which is a popular hashtag on good ‘ole instagram so people can have another excuse to ogle delicious celebrities,

(or your significant other if you’re in a relationship)

 ughcouples

I’ve compiled a list of the sexiest things a man can do.

10. He can Sing

I mean, mother may I?

(Ewan McGregor)

heavy

9. Accents

You name it; British, Australian, Irish, Scottish, whatever.

The less I can understand him- the better.

ewantomchris

(Ewan McGregor- Scottish, Tom Hiddleston- British, Chris O’Dowd- Irish)

fanning

8. Black Shirts

Sweet mother of all that’s holy, there is just something so attractive about a plain[fitted] black shirt. Add some dark-wash jeans and BOOM.

jensen

(Jensen Ackles)

cry

7.  3 Quarter-Length Sleeves

Just, YES PLEASE. Ask any female- those forearms. YUP YUP

sleeves

(Ryan Reynolds)

And yes, I do realize that this isn’t TECHNICALLY a 3-quarter length shirt, but it’s the same general look. So ya.

birthday

6. Bow Ties

A man in a suit is attractive as it is, but one that can pull off a bow tie(and not look like a hipster/frat boy) is the dream.

bowtie

(Kit Harrington and Richard Madden)

sheldon

5. Facial Hair

The perfect scruff=heck yes

scruff

(Jake Johnson)

face

4. Tall

If you’re 6′ ft or over you automatically get 10 extra points for Gryffindor.

There’s really no way to convey how tall he is(6’4 b-t-dubs) so I’m just gunna leave these here….

alexalex2alex3

(Alexander Skarsgard)

hum

3. Nice to Animals and Kids

Just. Too. Adorable.

goslgos

(Ryan Gosling)

swoon

2. ‘Lil Nerdy

Being a dork is endearing. The couple that fangirls together stays together.

galaxydylan

(Dylan O’Brien)

body

1. Humor

If you make me laugh, I will love you forever.

                 chandler                 candler

                           dance

(Chandler Bing)

love

*Honorary Mention*

Rhett Butler

Because he is the manliest man to ever man.

If only he were alive…and you know….real…..

rhett2rhett

dead