Monthly Archives: October 2015

Struggle Bus Party of One

It’s no secret, dating is not my forte.

Or really anything to do in the romantic department; flirting, acting like a functional adult- it’s just not my thing.

I mean, I can barely ask my waiter for extra ranch, how am I supposed to talk to someone I actually find attractive?

 zooey

Even with all these talents I lack, I’m still not totally losing hope, but damn. Dating is hard.

As I’ve stated in many posts before, I’m Mormon and I go to Brigham Young University-Idaho. And as I’ve also said before, I transferred to this school after doing two years at an instate school. One of the main reasons, not the ONLY reason, that I decided to transfer here is because I figured my luck in finding someone to date would be easier.

I was very wrong.

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See, while being here I’ve discovered something; I am not a typical Mormon.

I guess I should have already known this since every time I even tell someone that I’ve just met that I am Mormon the first thing out of their mouths is typically, “What? Seriously? I never would have guessed that.”

Personally, I always took that as a compliment.

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Let me explain further what I mean when I say I’m not a typical Mormon:

To start out, I want to explain that I have a very firm and real testimony of the gospel. While I did go through my own rebellious and questioning phase while in my teens, I have found for myself that I truly love and know this gospel to be true.

However, I don’t have a stick up my ass.

Now let me make it perfectly clear that not all Mormons are stiff. I’m not saying that at all, but talking about stereotypes of not only Mormons, but any hardcore religious individuals.

A not-so-great association that religious persons have is that they are closed-minded and judgmental. Once again, I’m talking generalizing and stereotypes.

I will admit though, it’s pretty legit.

I’ve had many issues in this department; especially when I was younger and just trying to figure things out on my own.

As I’ve gotten older though, my ability to not give a rat’s ass what others think has been perfected.

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So I watch my R rated movies, have a slight cursing problem(sorry mom), my inability to do anything crafty is very real, in no way musically inclined, delightfully sarcastic, and not afraid to speak my mind.

This is not the way of the typical Mormon woman.

The dream Mormon woman(seems to be) a girl with blonde hair, who can masterfully whip out any Primary(Children’s Sunday School) song on piano at the drop of a hat, and who is constantly a ray of sunshine who would never dream of watching anything other than Disney.

This is all literally the exact opposite of my entire personality.

Here’s the main problem with the dating scene here. I’m right in the middle of the two extremes: as in either the guys are Peter Priesthoods(which means they want that typical Mormon girl as described above) or they’re at the total opposite end of the spectrum and they are currently going through their own phase and want to party, sleep around, and so on.(Yes, there are those type of people here.)

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It’s hard, man. Like, I am a temple worthy woman, and the struggle is so real.

So not only do I already have issues in the dating department, but the fact that this has just been piled right on is not helping anything.

At least I’ve still got my cats.

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Real Talk

So, I’m not sure how many of you are aware, but a week or two ago I wrote my own “rant” about the rules of the school I attend.

In it I tried so hard to make it clear that I love this university and that while I may not agree with all the rules, I still follow them.

With the post getting over 4200 views(was not expecting that at all), I’ve gotten some amazingly positive feedback,

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but also some very negative feedback.

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The ones that kind of made me sit back and think though were the comments that the post made me sound like a child, that I was immature, and basically to just “get over it” and that I can “just leave.”

Ah, yes. Very Christlike.

But with getting this feedback it really made me wonder, am I actually immature? I do always like to think of myself as a fairly mature person, but maybe I’m wrong. I mean, when I was in high school I thought I looked bomb with my raccoon eye makeup and baggy band t-shirts, and now I know how wrong I was. So maybe I’m not as mature as I had once thought.

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But then that made me start to think that, why is it that simply sharing my own opinions makes me immature? At what point does it cross the line from have a simple thought you want to voice to then sounding like a whiny teenager?

It was also brought up in the feedback that my whole life will be filled with having to do stuff I don’t want to do; whether it be with work or family, but that I would be expected to do it, so get over yourself.

This honestly surprised me. Of course I know that I’ll always be asked to do things I don’t necessarily want to do but I will be expected to perform those tasks. But even when I discussed my issues with the rules, I made it very clear that I do, in fact, follow them. Just because I follow the rules, doesn’t mean I HAVE to agree with them.

Isn’t that a sign of maturity though?

Even at a future job, even at my current job, while I may not want to do something, I will of course do whatever my  employer asks of me and will do the best I can at the task as to make sure my boss is getting the best possible outcome they can. Because yes, I agreed to this job. As I agreed with following the rules at the school and I do.

I really am just curious to know where the line is? Because I know that I’m a very opinionated person. In fact, when having a discussion with family members or friends I often hear, “Jeez Rebecca, learn how to form an opinion once in a while.” In a sarcastic tone, of course.

So where is it? Where is this magical line that I seemed to have crossed?

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I know there is always a time and place to either share or not share your opinions, but if I can’t share my opinions on a BLOG, then where? I thought blogs were supposed to be places where individuals can post ideas, insights, OPINIONS,  and yet just because I seem to be posting something of controversy then that means I’m immature.

So, for the last time, I want to make it very clear that I, Bex, am very grateful and appreciative of the university at which I attend. I understand that when I agreed to come to this school that I also agreed to follow the rules at which it provides. I do, in fact, follow the rules, and will continue to follow said rules. However, that will not stop me nor change any opinions which I have acquired while being here.

I would also like to state that in any opinions I have posted or will post in the future are never said in hopes of offending anyone, I would never try to purposely hurt anyone’s feelings.

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How About, No.

Hey, remember that time when women weren’t put down for how they behaved or dressed?

Ya, me either.

Now, before I go on my rant, I would like to make it clear that I love men.

rich

^especially this one. Richard Madden. *Swoon*^

I am in no way trying to insult or put down anyone.

With that being said, there have been some things and hearing some things that have been pissing me off, but what really put me over the edge was hopping on to good ole E! Online and coming across a little article about Michelle Duggar.

So I’m sure most of you are familiar with the famous TLC family. Recently, they’ve been making it into the news for some unfortunate things

However, I’m not going to talk about that.

Instead I’m going to talk about Michelle Duggar’s recent comments about a woman being here to fulfil a man’s ‘special needs.’

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I honestly didn’t even get to reading the whole thing because it was just pissing me off so much that I had to exit out. The main thing that is making me mad is that she is referring to her husband’s sex drive as his ‘special needs.’ Saying crap like, “oh anyone can make him a sandwich, but YOU are the only one there to bone him.”

What the hell? No. Just no, no no.

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You know she is making it sound like a wife’s only true duty is to be the man’s sexual release. Oh, that’s funny, I didn’t realize we were living back in the 15th century.

Moron.

Saying that even if you’re tired from a day of work or the kids, but you still need to saddle up on him as to make sure he doesn’t stray, because that’s your job.

Bullshit. It’s all bullshit.

I know it may come as a shock, but women are not there just for a male to pile drive when he feels that he’s in the mood. That’s not how this works.

And let’s just get back to this ‘special need’ business. Since when is it that only men feel the need to have sex? Why is it that, even in today’s world, it’s such a strange notion for women to not only have a sex drive, but *gasp* actually enjoy sex? It’s not just a “special need” for a man, but ALSO a woman. I agree that sex is important to a relationship, but not just because the man apparently has some need for it more than the woman. And just because a woman enjoys sex does not mean she’s a slut or whore. It means she’s human.

I am getting so sick of a woman’s worth being based on sex or how she dresses.

Just this past Sunday it was reiterated to me in a class that we women need to be careful how we dress. We need to stop ‘tempting’ the men and being more thoughtful. That it’s our job to help make our men worthy and good church members…..

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. SERIOUSLY?

 And we were being told this by a 60+ year-old man.

How about you do your job as a PARENT and teach your own son not to see women as objects.

I know that it has been proven that men are more visually stimulated and women are more mentally stimulated, but guess what? That doesn’t mean you tell the girl how to dress because you’re saying your boys can’t control themselves. And how insulting is that to the men? They’re saying you men CAN’T CONTROL YOURSELVES. How is no one getting upset by this?

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And not only that, but just because a woman is typically more mentally stimulated doesn’t mean we still don’t get hot and bothered by a beautiful man walking down the street. And yet you don’t see a woman just losing her shit and start dry humping the man right then and there. It’s called self-control, and guess what? Men have it too.

I’m just getting so freaking sick of this idea that only men have this problem with sex, because they’re the only ones who enjoy it. I can tell you right now, that even though I am a virgin, I’m a sexual person. AND THAT’S OKAY. Magically, I can still go about my day-to-day activities having the ability to resist the temptation to have sex.

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Crazy thought, I know.

And I firmly believe that this sort of attitude is having major negative affects on both our boys and girls. At a young age they are both taught that if girls dresses a certain way that they are ASKING for the boys to react a certain way. In which the boys are taught to believe that if a girl is wearing a certain garment that they’re ASKING for you to do something. On both sides it’s making it clear that both view the girl as an object.

No wonder a girl’s self-esteem is constantly pummeled into the ground.

And it makes sense why a lot of boys grow up to be these frat-boy douche bags, because right from the get-go they’re taught to not respect women.

Moral of the story:

Women are just as sexual of beings as men.

As a man, you have no right to tell a girl what she should or shouldn’t wear.

Men can, in fact, control themselves.

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(Original Duggar Article: http://www.eonline.com/news/705581/michelle-duggar-delivers-sex-advice-encourages-women-to-cater-to-a-man-s-special-need-even-when-exhausted-or-pregnant)

Man, I Wish I was More of an Adult.

So just the other day I posted what I stated as MY opinions about the rules at the university at which I currently attend. In it I tried my best to make sure to explain that while there are things I do disagree with, I consider it a blessing to go to this school. While most feedback has been very positive, as with any opinion, obviously I got feedback from people who didn’t agree. I would like to make it very clear that I am totally fine with others differing opinions from my own, because how hypocritical would it be for me to get mad at others for disagreeing with my own thoughts and ideas?

Having that said, one individual’s response to me just made me laugh and I just couldn’t help but share with everyone what she shared with me and what I deem as ridiculous responses.

Below is word-for-word her comment she left me, but of course, my added commentary to her absurdity written in bold. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did.

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normally I’m not one to comment on people’s opinions but when I came across your blog that you shared your opinion about byuis honor code I was completely shocked in the amount of disrespect you have towards the rules especially coming from a returned missionary.

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so I thought I’d share with you a little bit about the why those rules are there because you obviously haven’t learned them.

Oh yes, please inform me. 

The first opinion you posted about curfew and the chastity line go hand in hand! Please tell me you aren’t that naive to believe that if a guy and girl who may be “just friends” might not receive the temptation to do inappropriate things past 12!

1. What is with all the exclamation points? All I’m envisioning every time I see a sentence with a little ! is an overactive toddler in need of some ritalin. 

2. Ummm. My best friend is a (straight)guy. And when we visit each other we stay at each other’s places and guess what? Not once have I felt the need to touch his penis or have him reach to take my shirt off. 

3. Also, a novel idea, but people can actually get frisky at all times of the day, not just after 12(!)<–see what I did there?

Now if it’s a group of people that could be a different story but growing up in Idaho falls I have know groups of people who just stand in circles staring at each other naked at BYUi

What. The. Hell.

Now that sounds messed up right?

Um, yeah? Mostly, I’m just concerned with who you hangout with. 

but it happened after 12! past the chastity line! and between just friends! Satan works best at night!

Are you going to tell me that Satan runs the water on Sunday too? Cheese and rice woman. Go take a Xanax.

I assume coming from your old college you saw plenty of people getting into trouble past 12! You may have been one of them! If not please share with the world how you have avoided these situations cause we are all dying to know!

I’m actually a 90-year-old women and like to be in bed by 11. With Netflix.

Also, I have this little thing called,’self-control.’ It’s no secret. Everyone has it, some just don’t use it. 

Second your appearance! I can guarantee you if you went up to anyone with purple hair and applied for a job you will most likely never be called back again because one people don’t want a clown being the face of their business!

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Also, you can’t say you guarantee anything and then say ‘most likely’ the next. That implies that you can’t actually guarantee anything……

And two it’s not professional no matter how many times you try to convince yourself that it is! Along with beards! Yes they may trim them up but coming at you with an esthetics license I can tell you that beards are dirty!!

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Huh, I don’t see any left over mac&cheese or cookie crumbs……

It is meant strictly to present yourself in a clean and presentable manner, because your professors at that school could be your future employers so try and look as best as you can! You never know who you will run into! And your whole point about Jesus having a beard, well Joseph smith had multiple wives but does that make it okay in our church today? No! Do you see any church official with a beard? No!

So, so, SOOOOOO many things wrong with this sentence.

1. Comparing Jesus and Joseph Smith, firstly. No.

2. Last I checked, we were COMMANDED not to practice polygamy anymore. I must have missed the day when God said, “Thou Shalt No Longer Have Beards.”

3.

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(Brigham Young and Lorenzo Snow)
My last opinion if you didn’t care about any of those points would be simply they are trying to teach you obedience! Which you obviously didn’t learn as a missionary!

Honestly, that’s just unbelievably rude. How dare you determine how I was as a missionary. You have no idea what I went through while I was on my mission or how I behaved.(My mission president loved me, by the way, and when I had to go home early because of a MEDICAL reason, he told me I was welcomed back as soon as I was ready.) 

For one you are getting 60% or your tuition subsidized without any scholarships which is why it is so cheap for you to go there!

Yes, I know this. Hence another reason I am so blessed and grateful to be here. As I’ve already stated. 

so the least you can do is be obedient!

And I am obedient. Not agreeing with rules doesn’t mean I’m not following them. I am actually. It means that I just disagree with them…..sooooo

Also Employers are looking for people who can do simple task that they don’t want to do without bitching to them about it! So I’d recommend taking down your opinion before any future employers see this because it just makes you look bad.

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Any mature adult would think these things through and if you can’t I recommend staying at that school till you learn it!

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The End

A Letter to the (BYU-I) President

*Added Ocober 13th– After receiving some feedback from different people, I just want to make it clear that I understand this is just a rant, I am not expecting things to change.I simply wrote this, because I could. These are, in fact, just my opinions. This is not an actual “letter to the BYU-I President.” Simply a title. Once again, I am very grateful to attend here and although I don’t agree with all the rules, I do follow them. This really is a wonderful university. Sorry if I give off any attitude to the contrary.*

First off, before I go into anything I want to make it very clear that I’m unbelievably thankful for the opportunity to attend Brigham Young University-Idaho(BYU-I). I’ve had amazing professors, church leaders, and met people here that I can safely say will be a presence in my life from now on. However, while attending this university I’ve noticed that, while it is a great institution, there are definitely some aspects of it that I’m having some trouble with.

A quick back story:

I transferred to this school in the winter semester of 2015. It was a long road that made me end up at BYU-I. For those who don’t know, BYU-I, and it’s sister campuses, BYU-Provo and BYU-Hawaii, are Latter-Day Saint(LDS) colleges. With that being said, all three campuses are heavily religious oriented, obviously.

Well, while I did grow up in a LDS home, I went through my own rebellious stage during my teenage years. And no, I don’t mean I just watched a couple R rated movies and drank a red bull to turn up. With that being said, when it came around to me picking a college to go to, going to any of the BYU’s was not on my list of places to go. So instead I went to an instate school in Pennsylvania. While there I had my own “come to Jesus” moment and decided that I do, in fact, believe in the teachings of my church and so from that moment on I decided to make changes in my life.

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The changes started slowly, but eventually I decided to go on a mission for my church.

When I came home from my mission, I decided that I didn’t want to attend the same university I had previously. While I’ve met some of my best friends at that school; the partying atmosphere and lack of people to date and hangout with that didn’t involve a bar was limited. So I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to change it up and now here I am.

At BYU-I.

If you had asked me when I was 15 if I would ever go to BYU I probably would have laughed in your face and flipped you off.

So now here I am, in Rexburg, Idaho. It’s been some getting used to, going from a campus where most people don’t believe in a God and have designated drinking nights like ‘Thirsty Thursday’ to a place where classes start off with a prayer(which, honestly, I dig it) and I can actually have a nice fall wreath on my apartment door without worrying about someone stealing it or drunken individuals puking on my doorstep.

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While these few examples of change have been very welcome, there are quite a few that I’m having a really hard time with.

 1. Curfew

Yes, you read that right. This school has a curfew. Saturday-Thursday it’s 12 am while on Friday nights we are allowed out until 1 am. Now, it’s not like there’s a whole lot to do in Rexburg anyway, but a curfew? This is college. You can’t tell a bunch of college kids that they still need to be in bed by a certain time. I’m 23-years-old. Being told when I need be home is just humiliating.

2. The “Chastity Line”

There is a rule that no one of the opposite sex is allowed in the bedrooms. Which, being a religious school I somewhat get it. You don’t want us boning. So in every apartment there is a point where there is a door that leads to the bedrooms and the bathrooms and where that door sits has been dubbed, “The Chastity Line.”

Like, technically we’re not even supposed to let anyone of the opposite sex back there just to go to the bathroom. Seriously?

Once again, being a religious school I understand you don’t want us having sex, but I’m going to let you in on a few little secrets.

  1. Contrary to popular belief, boys and girls can be JUST FRIENDS. Which means we can hangout without worrying about any penetration occurring. EVEN if we’re in our bedrooms! I know, crazy.

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2. Guess what? If people are really bound and determined to have sex, they’re going to have sex. You can have as many rules as you want, but when there is a will there is a way.

Honestly, it’s just really insulting to me. Once again, I’m 23-years-old, you can’t tell me, as an ADULT, who I am and am not allowed to have in my bedroom. I don’t even have these rules in my parent’s house and my parents are very church oriented.

And on the topic of us being ADULTS, how is this teaching us to live on our own after college? While yes, I understand this school assumes we’ll all be married before we graduate, that’s not the case for everyone. Some of us will actually be single when we leave this place. *gasp* And guess what? When we’re living outside of the Mormon bubble and have roommates that may not be members, are we going to have someone dictating and making sure we’re home by a certain time or that no one is in our bedrooms?

No.

3. Our Appearance 

So appearance is a big deal at this school. They say it’s because they want to establish a ‘business’ feel to the campus and to have us look ‘professional.’ In so doing we have a dress code we are supposed to follow. A few being

  1. No flip-flops
  2. No Shorts
  3. No piercings other than our ears(for the girls)

But the rule of appearance that bothers me the most would be the one of  “no extreme hairstyles.” Ummm what? What even constitutes as extreme hairstyles? What one person deems as extreme might not be extreme to another. Apparently, ‘extreme’ here means no unnatural hair colors, man-buns, or beards.

What?

I get that you don’t want us to look ratchet, I don’t want to look ratchet either. But just because a girl has purple hair or a guy has a beard doesn’t mean that they don’t look professional.

beard purple

^Classy looking individuals if you ask me.^

To me, it’s just like they keep adding to these appearance rules so that we all look exactly the same. We are all carbon copies of one another. And for a church that has invested so much money into ads and PR to show others that Mormons look and act differently, you sure aren’t helping your case when you’re having us walking around campus looking like clones.

Another thing, for being such a heavily religious institution, can you please explain to me why my brother can have a beard to enter the Temple, but can’t have one to go take a test in the testing center? Where is the logic in that? Last I checked, I think Jesus had a beard.

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Also, the whole no ‘unnatural’ hair color? Umm, I didn’t realize fried, platinum blonde hair was natural. Or my ‘black cherry’ hair was natural either, but for whatever reason, THOSE are ok.

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Now, I’m really not trying to be a rebellious, or ungrateful person here. As I stated before, I already went through that stage during my teens. I really am grateful to attend this school, the spirit it provides, and the connections I’ve made. I just think there are some things that could be improved upon. Mostly just treating us like actual adults. Now, unfortunately for myself, I already don’t do well with people telling me what to do and I have to work on that in general. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to be treated as a respected adult rather than petulant teenager.

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I’m Baaaacccckkkk

It’s been basically a solid year since I picked up this blogging thing and like many of my other hobbies- I started and then I stopped after a few months. I tried to expand my horizons and try other things out as well, but turns out I’m not talented at anything to do with crafts, music, sports, or basically anything that requires me to get off my ass.

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So since a year has passed I have started a new school, tried my hand at tinder dating, started working at two jobs and surrounded myself with more Mormons in my life.

Good news, there has been one one constant, loving, presence in my life that stayed by my side throughout the many changes that have happened in the last year; my dear, dear Netflix.

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Please stay tuned as I continue to try to navigate my entire existence and not end up homeless with my 20 cats.

PS- I’ve also started up my own Movie Rating site. It’s still under construction, but if you’d like to take a little peek…

https://moviescaleblog.wordpress.com/

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