Monthly Archives: November 2015

I Am the Badger

So I was just sitting on the couch and was reading a quiz or something about spirit animals and started wondering what my own spirit animal is.

Maybe a cat?

catass

I mean, they’re independent, adorable, and assholes. So kinda what I can get on board with.

Or maybe a shark? I mean, they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed, but the fact that they’re just swimming around and only concerned with eating- heellloooo. Totes me.

shark

So I decide to ask my roommates what they think my spirit animal is hoping they said something awesome or exciting.

Nope.

The first animal my one roommate blurts out is,

“You’re a badger.”

Then the other roommates join in all in agreement.

Of course, I immediately yell out,

“What the hell?  Why am I damn badger?”

To which another roommate replied,

“Well, they’re like, mean, but not. Like you!”

thanks

 I sat there for a few moments, a little perturbed, but after this settled in for a moment or two, you know what? They’re right. I’m totally a badger.

Because just like the video says, “[honey] badger don’t give a shit.”

It’s true, at this point in my life, I can finally say that I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass what others think of me or if don’t like me.

Now, let me make it clear, I still have insecurities and so on just like everyone else, but at this point in my life, at least when it comes to my personality, I’m pretty content.

It’s taken me 23 years, but I’m doin’ me.

I’m a sarcastic, cynical, opinionated woman and I love it. I’m no longer crippled with worrying about if someone will take offense to what I’m saying or don’t like my abrasive nature.

barney

*Important note: I never would purposely try to offend anyone.

The reason I’m getting into all this, besides the conversation about spirit animals, is because of where I am right now. In Mormon Town USA.

Sometimes, I have a hard time being here, because as I’ve talk about before, Mormons, especially Mormon women, have a sort of stereotype that we’re all blonde, quiet, and overly happy individuals.

Clearly, that’s not me.

emma

And sometimes that’s hard. For awhile being here I would kinda walk on eggshells around people, because since I do curse or have a twisted sense of humor, I never know who I can be myself around and who I can’t. Or even as the Relief Society President(a church job) I’ve been told by my mom that I need to be ‘careful.’

Why? Why do I need to be careful?

I know where I stand with the church and where my testimony lies with the gospel, and just because I don’t act the way ‘Mormon Culture’ has deemed correct, doesn’t mean I need to pretend to be someone I’m not. If anything, with having this church job I’m showing the other women that yo, it’s okay that you’re not singing Disney songs all the time or that you have differing opinions from the ‘norm.’

You do you babe.

kevinn

*When having this conversation with my mother-after I said my peace she said I was right and took back the “being careful” comment.

I’m 23-years-old, I’ll do what I want.

honeyb

Advertisements

You’re Only Someone When Somebody Loves You

I’ve pretty much perfected the art of being single.

My ability to disrobe my “social outing” clothes for my sweatpants in 0.15 seconds is one a superhero would admire, Netflix and Chill for me includes my bed and a bowl of Ben&Jerry’s, and my rants about anything to do with Nicolas Sparks is something almost Shakespearean.

I pride myself on not needing a man and love being able to go out when I want, with whoever I want, and spend however much I want on myself.

dontneedaman

With that being said, I can’t deny that I do find myself, on occasion, actually wanting to find my own Robb Stark and being one half of an annoyingly happy couple.

Which is why(or at least partly why) I found myself coming to BYU-I. I figured, hey, I’m 23-years-old, my eggs are surely drying up in the Mormon world, I need to try to step up my dating game.

As mentioned in previous posts, I suck at dating, but that’s not what this particular post is about.

No, instead this post is about the ridiculous customs that I’ve been experiencing since I’ve been here.

One-it’s basically shoved down my throat that I need to date, date, date while I’m here. Like, my sole purpose is only to get married and pop out babies. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married and I want kids, but I actually WANT to work. I don’t understand this mindset where it’s only the guy who needs to worry about his education, but the woman just needs to worry about doing what she can to attract a man. Beyonce would not approve of this.

flawless

Two- dating here, and I imagine other places as well, is just a nightmare. I don’t want you to ask me to ‘hangout.’ I want you to ask me out on a date. DATE. I look back at pictures from the 1950’s and seeing their little dates they went on and it just looks so sweet and innocent. Nowadays it’s just a constant game for how quick can I get you back to your apartment so we can ‘Netflix ‘N Chill.’

No.

  1. If we’re watching a movie, we’re actually WATCHING the movie. Especially if it’s one I haven’t seen before.
  2. I am worth more than a quick makeout on the couch.

Three- Probably the biggest issue I have here, and on the completely opposite spectrum of everything I’ve just talked about, the couples who go on two dates and think, “hey, we should get married.”

I’m not even being over-dramatic here. This really happens. Couples are together for maybe a month and think, ‘ah yes, I clearly love you. Time to go to the temple.’

WHAT?

HOW? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU’VE JUST MET?

Oh wait, you don’t. Your hormones are just going crazy and your desire to bone is blocking any rational way of thinking.

It’s just absolutely ludicrous the idea of thinking the person you JUST met being ‘the one.’ You haven’t had a real fight, you haven’t met their families, you’ve never seen them in truly stressful situations, you know nothing.

nothing

Not to mention, you’re still in that ‘honeymoon’ stage. The stage where they literally can’t do anything wrong and they’re perfect. Guess what? That part fades and when true colors come out there is a real possibility that you won’t like the person they really are.

Not to mention, from the Mormon perspective, getting married is more than being with that person until we die, it’s about being with that person forever, all eternity. I don’t think a lot of people take that into account. You’re going to seriously be with that other person from now until forever, you need to make sure that that’s someone you REALLY want to be with and not just someone you want to wrestle around in the sheets with.

Maybe it’s just the cynical in me. I’ve never once been accused of having a ‘mushy’ side to me. Hell, my idea of flirting is by dazzling a man with my sarcastic wit and talking about my favorite pizza rather than complimenting their appearance or  playfully touching their arm.

anchor

Don’t get me wrong, I too have felt the overwhelming need to get married while being here too. It’s constantly shoved down our throats that we need to get married and procreate ASAP.

I really just blame that on the environment I’m in.

And honestly, it’s just exhausting. This idea that your whole self-worth is wrapped up in your ability to snag yourself a spouse is just…. It’s awful.

Real talk-a lot of us won’t get married. Whether it be because we don’t find our other half or who knows, but some of us will just be single.

And that’s okay.Honestly, I joke about me dying alone, but I seriously think that’s true though. And while I do want to get married and have kids, I also know that if that doesn’t happen for me, that that’s okay. That won’t diminish my worth, it won’t mean I’m not as temple worthy as the married woman next to me, and it certainly won’t mean that I’m a nobody.

Contrary to popular (Mormon) belief, being single isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.

Like not being able to eat pizza anymore. That would be the worst.

pizza