Category Archives: College Life

If You Wanted to Be Treated Like an Adult then You Shoulda Put a Ring On It.

First, I’d like to apologize if the following post doesn’t make total sense. There are a lot of thoughts in this little noggin of mine and I’m trying to make them as coherent as possible.

Second, I realize I’ve already written about the way I feel towards the rules at the university to which I attend(A Letter to the (BYU-I) President) but in recent conversations I’ve been having with friends it has gotten me fired up again.

Third, please enjoy my ranting.

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So I’ve been at BYU-I for officially a little over a year now and once again- just because I know there will be people reading my post out of context again like they did my previous one- I will once again make it very clear that I am grateful to attend this university. I’ve met amazing people, had awesome professors, and wonderful church leaders. With that being said, this university it not perfect. Just because it is a religiously affiliated school does not mean that it’s perfect and that it doesn’t have room for improvement.

I would also like to make it very clear that everything in this post are just my opinions. I’m not expecting things to change just because I’m complaining about them. However, since any idiot with a computer is allowed to blog about whatever their little heart desires, I am therefore practicing my God-given right to be an opinionated asshat.

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These past couple weeks I have been discussing with various new and old friends my feelings about the rules and Honor Code that make up this university. In these discussions its caused me to be even more irritated about them. And yes, I realize that when I agreed to attend this school I signed up to follow the rules and honor code that they presented us. I would like to make it very clear that I do follow the rules and just because I agreed to follow them does not mean I have to agree with them.

Part of the reason these rules bother me so much is because it seems that once you get married-these rules don’t apply to you anymore. Rules like:

  • Curfew
  • Who is or is’t allowed in your bedroom
  • Having to attend x-amount of church as to not get your endorsement taken away
  • Having to live in BYU-I approved housing
  • Having clean checks in your apartment

And so forth.

All because you got married.

Why is it that just because you put a ring on your finger you’re no longer subjected to the same rules as us singles? Because married people don’t do anything wrong?

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I agree that obviously when you’re married you should be mature enough to make the right decisions, but are you saying that I-as a 23 year old- am still not mature enough to not be treated as a child just because I haven’t been given the opportunity to get married yet?

So as if I don’t feel crappy enough for still being single as a pringle; I then get treated as the emo kid adolescent I was when I was in middle school and high school all because I haven’t had the chance to wear that pretty white dress yet.

Basically, I just feel as though I am being further punished for being single. Carrying on this idea that single people are the enemy and we can’t be trusted.

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Who knows, maybe that’s partly the reason they have these ridiculous rules so that we do get married fast because we all know this place is just a giant meat market for marriage and they’re all trying to get us to walk through those temple doors as soon as possible. Which, if that’s the case…..

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I believe the Honor Code to be very flawed and imperfect. For a school being constantly referred to as “The Lord’s School” I strongly disagree. True, it may be the closest thing to it, but I believe that if Christ were on the earth today and truly running the school the only rules would be the commandments. Because if you’re following the commandments then subsequently all of the other rules-for the most part-fall into place. Of course, I can in no way speak for Christ, so obviously I don’t know this to be true, but it’s just what I believe.

I want to make it very clear that I have a strong testimony of this gospel, but the honor code is not gospel and I think that a lot of people here forget that.

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Real Talk

So, I’m not sure how many of you are aware, but a week or two ago I wrote my own “rant” about the rules of the school I attend.

In it I tried so hard to make it clear that I love this university and that while I may not agree with all the rules, I still follow them.

With the post getting over 4200 views(was not expecting that at all), I’ve gotten some amazingly positive feedback,

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but also some very negative feedback.

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The ones that kind of made me sit back and think though were the comments that the post made me sound like a child, that I was immature, and basically to just “get over it” and that I can “just leave.”

Ah, yes. Very Christlike.

But with getting this feedback it really made me wonder, am I actually immature? I do always like to think of myself as a fairly mature person, but maybe I’m wrong. I mean, when I was in high school I thought I looked bomb with my raccoon eye makeup and baggy band t-shirts, and now I know how wrong I was. So maybe I’m not as mature as I had once thought.

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But then that made me start to think that, why is it that simply sharing my own opinions makes me immature? At what point does it cross the line from have a simple thought you want to voice to then sounding like a whiny teenager?

It was also brought up in the feedback that my whole life will be filled with having to do stuff I don’t want to do; whether it be with work or family, but that I would be expected to do it, so get over yourself.

This honestly surprised me. Of course I know that I’ll always be asked to do things I don’t necessarily want to do but I will be expected to perform those tasks. But even when I discussed my issues with the rules, I made it very clear that I do, in fact, follow them. Just because I follow the rules, doesn’t mean I HAVE to agree with them.

Isn’t that a sign of maturity though?

Even at a future job, even at my current job, while I may not want to do something, I will of course do whatever my  employer asks of me and will do the best I can at the task as to make sure my boss is getting the best possible outcome they can. Because yes, I agreed to this job. As I agreed with following the rules at the school and I do.

I really am just curious to know where the line is? Because I know that I’m a very opinionated person. In fact, when having a discussion with family members or friends I often hear, “Jeez Rebecca, learn how to form an opinion once in a while.” In a sarcastic tone, of course.

So where is it? Where is this magical line that I seemed to have crossed?

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I know there is always a time and place to either share or not share your opinions, but if I can’t share my opinions on a BLOG, then where? I thought blogs were supposed to be places where individuals can post ideas, insights, OPINIONS,  and yet just because I seem to be posting something of controversy then that means I’m immature.

So, for the last time, I want to make it very clear that I, Bex, am very grateful and appreciative of the university at which I attend. I understand that when I agreed to come to this school that I also agreed to follow the rules at which it provides. I do, in fact, follow the rules, and will continue to follow said rules. However, that will not stop me nor change any opinions which I have acquired while being here.

I would also like to state that in any opinions I have posted or will post in the future are never said in hopes of offending anyone, I would never try to purposely hurt anyone’s feelings.

jen

A Letter to the (BYU-I) President

*Added Ocober 13th– After receiving some feedback from different people, I just want to make it clear that I understand this is just a rant, I am not expecting things to change.I simply wrote this, because I could. These are, in fact, just my opinions. This is not an actual “letter to the BYU-I President.” Simply a title. Once again, I am very grateful to attend here and although I don’t agree with all the rules, I do follow them. This really is a wonderful university. Sorry if I give off any attitude to the contrary.*

First off, before I go into anything I want to make it very clear that I’m unbelievably thankful for the opportunity to attend Brigham Young University-Idaho(BYU-I). I’ve had amazing professors, church leaders, and met people here that I can safely say will be a presence in my life from now on. However, while attending this university I’ve noticed that, while it is a great institution, there are definitely some aspects of it that I’m having some trouble with.

A quick back story:

I transferred to this school in the winter semester of 2015. It was a long road that made me end up at BYU-I. For those who don’t know, BYU-I, and it’s sister campuses, BYU-Provo and BYU-Hawaii, are Latter-Day Saint(LDS) colleges. With that being said, all three campuses are heavily religious oriented, obviously.

Well, while I did grow up in a LDS home, I went through my own rebellious stage during my teenage years. And no, I don’t mean I just watched a couple R rated movies and drank a red bull to turn up. With that being said, when it came around to me picking a college to go to, going to any of the BYU’s was not on my list of places to go. So instead I went to an instate school in Pennsylvania. While there I had my own “come to Jesus” moment and decided that I do, in fact, believe in the teachings of my church and so from that moment on I decided to make changes in my life.

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The changes started slowly, but eventually I decided to go on a mission for my church.

When I came home from my mission, I decided that I didn’t want to attend the same university I had previously. While I’ve met some of my best friends at that school; the partying atmosphere and lack of people to date and hangout with that didn’t involve a bar was limited. So I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to change it up and now here I am.

At BYU-I.

If you had asked me when I was 15 if I would ever go to BYU I probably would have laughed in your face and flipped you off.

So now here I am, in Rexburg, Idaho. It’s been some getting used to, going from a campus where most people don’t believe in a God and have designated drinking nights like ‘Thirsty Thursday’ to a place where classes start off with a prayer(which, honestly, I dig it) and I can actually have a nice fall wreath on my apartment door without worrying about someone stealing it or drunken individuals puking on my doorstep.

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While these few examples of change have been very welcome, there are quite a few that I’m having a really hard time with.

 1. Curfew

Yes, you read that right. This school has a curfew. Saturday-Thursday it’s 12 am while on Friday nights we are allowed out until 1 am. Now, it’s not like there’s a whole lot to do in Rexburg anyway, but a curfew? This is college. You can’t tell a bunch of college kids that they still need to be in bed by a certain time. I’m 23-years-old. Being told when I need be home is just humiliating.

2. The “Chastity Line”

There is a rule that no one of the opposite sex is allowed in the bedrooms. Which, being a religious school I somewhat get it. You don’t want us boning. So in every apartment there is a point where there is a door that leads to the bedrooms and the bathrooms and where that door sits has been dubbed, “The Chastity Line.”

Like, technically we’re not even supposed to let anyone of the opposite sex back there just to go to the bathroom. Seriously?

Once again, being a religious school I understand you don’t want us having sex, but I’m going to let you in on a few little secrets.

  1. Contrary to popular belief, boys and girls can be JUST FRIENDS. Which means we can hangout without worrying about any penetration occurring. EVEN if we’re in our bedrooms! I know, crazy.

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2. Guess what? If people are really bound and determined to have sex, they’re going to have sex. You can have as many rules as you want, but when there is a will there is a way.

Honestly, it’s just really insulting to me. Once again, I’m 23-years-old, you can’t tell me, as an ADULT, who I am and am not allowed to have in my bedroom. I don’t even have these rules in my parent’s house and my parents are very church oriented.

And on the topic of us being ADULTS, how is this teaching us to live on our own after college? While yes, I understand this school assumes we’ll all be married before we graduate, that’s not the case for everyone. Some of us will actually be single when we leave this place. *gasp* And guess what? When we’re living outside of the Mormon bubble and have roommates that may not be members, are we going to have someone dictating and making sure we’re home by a certain time or that no one is in our bedrooms?

No.

3. Our Appearance 

So appearance is a big deal at this school. They say it’s because they want to establish a ‘business’ feel to the campus and to have us look ‘professional.’ In so doing we have a dress code we are supposed to follow. A few being

  1. No flip-flops
  2. No Shorts
  3. No piercings other than our ears(for the girls)

But the rule of appearance that bothers me the most would be the one of  “no extreme hairstyles.” Ummm what? What even constitutes as extreme hairstyles? What one person deems as extreme might not be extreme to another. Apparently, ‘extreme’ here means no unnatural hair colors, man-buns, or beards.

What?

I get that you don’t want us to look ratchet, I don’t want to look ratchet either. But just because a girl has purple hair or a guy has a beard doesn’t mean that they don’t look professional.

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^Classy looking individuals if you ask me.^

To me, it’s just like they keep adding to these appearance rules so that we all look exactly the same. We are all carbon copies of one another. And for a church that has invested so much money into ads and PR to show others that Mormons look and act differently, you sure aren’t helping your case when you’re having us walking around campus looking like clones.

Another thing, for being such a heavily religious institution, can you please explain to me why my brother can have a beard to enter the Temple, but can’t have one to go take a test in the testing center? Where is the logic in that? Last I checked, I think Jesus had a beard.

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Also, the whole no ‘unnatural’ hair color? Umm, I didn’t realize fried, platinum blonde hair was natural. Or my ‘black cherry’ hair was natural either, but for whatever reason, THOSE are ok.

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Now, I’m really not trying to be a rebellious, or ungrateful person here. As I stated before, I already went through that stage during my teens. I really am grateful to attend this school, the spirit it provides, and the connections I’ve made. I just think there are some things that could be improved upon. Mostly just treating us like actual adults. Now, unfortunately for myself, I already don’t do well with people telling me what to do and I have to work on that in general. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to be treated as a respected adult rather than petulant teenager.

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